The Butler Did It

Among the most popular television shows are the action/suspense Crime Scene Investigation productions such as CSI Miami, CSI New York, CSNI and the original CSI. These all begin the show with a committed crime, usually a murder, follow up with the investigation, a suspect, great scientific forensic work and then the apprehension of the guilty suspect. It is suspenseful and fascinating stuff.

My recent comments on the cliché plots used in blood and thunder movies and a follow up discussion with my daughter led to the incredible solutions that evolve in CSI shows. For example it would not be unusual to watch an investigator at the scene of a murder, where the victim is lying alongside a highway, to pick up a stray leaf, bag it and take it back to the laboratory. There it would be determined that it had dropped off the boot of someone who was at the murder scene. And further that it was from a rare expensive plant that is only sold in 3 stores in the city. Store records show that among the few customers who bought this kind of plant in one store, a clerk remembers a tall red headed man who wore boots and so - - - - on and on to the inevitable guilty suspect. Of course this is all made possible by the fantastic modern scientific equipment that is available in the lab which can dissect and separate every molecule in whatever speck of evidence that is under scrutiny. Not only that but it can also then print out the details; geographic location, chemical makeup; who might have grown or manufactured the item; and, how long it might have been lying where found.

My favorite of this genre of shows is CSI Miami (which, incidently is filmed in Los Angeles). It is the flashiest with the high tech instruments. If examining a spent bullet it will not only reveal the results of the examination but in a flashback they show you the flight of the bullet and its eventual striking of the target! Exciting. But all of these shows depend upon the viewer’s suspension of disbelief. It is like professional wrestling (sorry fans). I see it but how much of it can I believe. Well let’s do our own examination.


While it is true that we now have amazing technology that can devise scientific tools that are of major importance in forensics. It is not true that these instruments are found in your local police laboratories. If your police force even has a scientific lab. In small towns their equipment may not even include a microscope. Why not? Well, because major scientific instruments are highly expensive and the trained specialists who could use them properly are also highly expensive. Further, on a more basic level, it takes trained officers to diligently work a crime scene and gather all the evidence according to a certain protocol. Not every police department has that training. If you have watched the TV show “Cops” you will have seen officers pick up a gun at the crime scene without even a glove on. They tromp around the area and scoop out items from automobiles without a thought as to preservation of evidence. History surely has shown us that a criminal with enough money can hire a super-lawyer who would make mince meat of any evidence that wasn’t properly handled. But, even if the evidence is properly gathered, in most cases it must be sent to a central forensic laboratory for evaluation. This may be a state run lab in the capital or a major city. This lab will probably be completely buried under a ton of evidence submitted by police departments from throughout the state; all waiting impatiently for the results of examinations. And you can be sure these labs are under funded as well as the departments that sent the evidence. So - - - the flake of sand, or the tree leaf or murder weapon will not be immediately submitted for scientific examination and results gained within the hour. Even simple tests may take weeks or longer to evaluate. As a member of the Pinal Co., Ariz. grand jury, I recall hearing testimony where the suspected offender was held in jail for weeks while the local law officials waited for the results of a blood test for DUI or drug use prosecution. The suspect was held on other charges while awaiting results such as possession of drug paraphernalia or disorderly conduct. In most cases the bail set could not be paid. The reality is that in small towns the arresting officer doesn’t rush right back to headquarters, file a report, grab the evidence and race his motorcycle to the closest forensic lab. And the mails travel slowly nowadays. Even some innocent people plead guilty on a plea bargain to escape the detention that may ensue because of delays in forensic work or the crowded dockets and heavy backlog for public defenders.


The TV shows are enjoyable and fun to watch - - but it ain’t really happening that way! We just don’t have the money, the trained personnel or all that futuristic equipment. I have no use for those who drink and drive, but if you are slightly high and get into a accident you should hope it is in front or close to a bar. Then you can hurry in to get another drink or two while awaiting the police. The officers will realize that they have no case against you. Takes too long for tests to determine the exact time when you began drinking so you would most likely just get a warning - - - I am
Just sayin’